Self-Care Isn't Selfish - So Why Don't We Do It?

“Self-Care Isn’t Selfish – It’s vital!"

We hear the term self-care a lot these days. It’s splashed across social media with images of bubble baths, candles, or beachside yoga. Lovely, yes—but for many women, especially those juggling work, family, ageing parents, or the quiet of an empty nest, self-care can feel like one more thing they’re failing at.

Let’s take a breath and get honest about what self-care really is—and why it matters more than ever.

What Is Self-Care, Really?

Self-care isn’t about pampering. It’s about meeting your own needs, physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, so you’re not running on fumes. It’s the act of checking in with yourself and responding with care, just as you would for someone you love.

This could look like:

• Saying no without guilt

• Asking for help

• Eating when you’re hungry (and not skipping meals because you’re “too busy”)

• Taking time to do nothing

• Prioritising sleep over replying to that last email

• Making space for joy, reflection, or creativity

Self-care is less about adding something glamorous and more about returning to yourself.

Why It’s So Important Now

Many women reach their 40s and 50s and realise they’ve spent decades taking care of everyone else. Careers, children, partners, friends—all beautifully important, but often at the cost of themselves.

Without care, we get depleted. That depletion can show up as:

• Chronic tiredness

• Irritability

• Lack of motivation

• Brain fog

• Overwhelm

• A nagging sense that something’s missing

Self-care is how we refill our cup, not simply in a fluffy way, but in a sustainable way.

The Blocks That Get in the Way

You’re not alone if you struggle to prioritise yourself. Here are some common blocks I see in the women I work with:

• Guilt: “It feels selfish to put myself first.”

• Conditioning: Many of us were raised to be “good girls”—helpful, compliant, and self-sacrificing.

• Time: The schedule is packed. Where would self-care even fit?

• Overwhelm: The idea of adding another thing feels exhausting.

How to Move Past the Blocks

The good news? You don’t have to overhaul your life to start practicing real self-care. Try this:

1. Start Small

Self-care doesn’t need to be hours long. A minute to breathe deeply, a quiet cup of tea, a walk around the block, all these moments count. Or try adding a reminder on your phone to say something encouraging to yourself.

2. Reframe the Guilt

Putting yourself last doesn’t make you more loving. It makes you more likely to burn out. When you care for yourself, you model healthy boundaries and self-respect for others, too.

3. Check the Story

Whose voice tells you rest is lazy or that your needs are less important? Who taught you to prioritise others over yourself? You get to rewrite that story.

4. Schedule It

If it’s not on the calendar, it’s easy to forget. Even 10 minutes marked out as “me-time” sends the message: I matter.

Self-care isn’t a luxury or selfish. Self-care is your foundation, the quiet decision to treat yourself with the same kindness and respect you offer others. Not once in a while, but as a way of being.

And the more you care for yourself, the more grounded, resilient, and connected you become. And isn’t that the version of you the world actually needs? But most importantly, it’s a radical way of saying: I am worthy of my own attention, and that's the version of yourself that YOU need!

If you want support in identifying and implementing ways to improve your well-being, please contact me.